A Letter to Man's Best Friend - Cooper Ochoa

To my best friend, Cooper ♡

Where do I begin? This letter is for you, but it’s also for me too. I want to tell you so many things, and I hope writing them might soothe some of the ache I feel in my heart. Maybe that’s where I should start.

My heart.

You are my heart, soul, spirit... my everything. Now that you’re gone, I feel such a large void. I know you wouldn’t want me to be this sad. You always had this ability to walk into a room, hop on a bed, and bring comfort. I’d be laying there, and suddenly you’d appear, sitting beside me with a look on your face that said, “You okay, Dan?”

That’s what I need right now, that silent, steady love only you gave me.

This pain feels so sharp and overwhelming that sometimes I feel like I’m drowning. It comes in heavy, stinging waves that I keep trying to fight through. Time itself feels strange now, distant and hollow. I keep looking at my phone to remember when you last went outside. Then I remember I don’t have to do that anymore.

I don’t have to check your ears to see if they’re cold.

I don’t have to fill your water bowl anymore.

I used to complain about those little things, but now I know I’m going to miss doing them more than I can explain. I wish I had taken more joy in those moments.

I’m scared I’ll forget the sound of your bark or the feel of your Batman chest. Those small moments were some of the happiest of my life. The years we got to spend together were truly the most important years I will ever live.

I grew so much as a person, and so much of that is because of you.

I learned how to give love to you, and I learned how to accept love from you.

You taught me patience by making me stand outside while you smelled every blade of grass before you could poop. You taught me to stop and take a deep breath of fresh air no matter how busy life felt. You gave me courage, Coop.

I struggle the most when I think about your last day, knowing what I know now. I would have never gotten on that plane if I knew it was your last day. I wish for a time machine more than anything. I wish I could have been there in your final moments.

I know that’s impossible, but sometimes it’s the only thought that eases the pain of missing you.

All I need is one more hug from you.

I know I can’t have that here, so maybe dreams are where I’ll find you now. Maybe you’re laying at my feet while I talk to Mom in her room. Maybe you’re in my office standing guard, protecting me like you always did.

I feel you close by.

Like you’re still watching over me.

I look at your beds and imagine you laying there, and for a second, I swear it feels like you’re really there. I don’t believe a love as strong as ours is just here one day and gone the next.

If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that the bond we had does not end. It will never end. It will never be forgotten.

Your life meant more than pictures, videos, or the passing of time. You meant everything.

You are the reason I know I’ll give my love to another dog someday, not anytime soon, but someday. I’ll teach him the way I taught you.

I remember you as a puppy, so energetic and full of curiosity. Looking back now, I’m so proud of how naturally you learned to be such a good boy.

You loved sleeping in the early afternoons. It would be just us two, wrapped in peace and quiet. You loved napping where nothing could wake you. You dreamed more and more as you became a little old man, and I always wondered what you were chasing in those dreams.

Those moments made my heart feel so full.

I’m glad you smiled so much in your last few years. You deserved everything good in this world. I hope you had a beautiful life.

I’m sorry for all the times I wasn’t the best dad.

I’m sorry I never gave you a big backyard to roam in, or your own group of ducks.

I’m sorry for the times I didn’t play with you.

I’m sorry for the times I didn’t open my bedroom door.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.

I would never have been ready to let you go, but I truly believed we had more time.

I will always love you, Cooper Antonio Ochoa Paz, the greatest Great Dane to ever live.